Covid-19 Mom Truth: I no longer can compartmentalize my life’s many roles

Life is ironic. My last article was about having compassion on the crowds that are clamoring for you. A revelation of peace that stilled my heart and gave me zeal to lovingly tackle this role of Mommy.

And then there was Tuesday.

It was 9 a.m. Two children were obediently sitting at the “community school desk”, aka dining table. All of a sudden, my strong-willed 4-year-old decided this was not the time for her to do “wurk” (work). She defiantly refused to turn off her tablet and then chased me through the house as I quickly found a hiding place for all of the tablets. This was not a fun game of chase with laughter and smiles. There were tears, screams, kicks, and that dreaded deep and low Mother Voice.

(By the way, all of the tablets are still hidden. It’s Friday. No one has asked for one. It is amazing how we, as humans, can unknowingly get used to less.)

Back to Tuesday.

I spent a good 20 minutes with my defiant one. Correcting, trying to reason with, and finally holding and rocking her. While in this place of frustration, my heart was filled with guilt for my obedient ones. The sweet girls who were still sitting at the “community desk”. They had to endure that tantrum, that dreaded Mother Voice, while waiting for me so they could start their school work.

They finally began their work. They asked question after question. Not about the material. But about how to find this assignment on the computer, how to maneuver this website, what else do I have to do? Eventually we found some peace and got into a rhythm of who does what, which kid needs me to sit with them, and how this is going to work.

Then, in walks my other strong-willed child. My 9-year-old. My oldest. The one who thinks he is always right but also needs help with everything. Does that make sense to you? Yeah, me either. One would think that a strong-willed child who does not need any help being correct, would also not need help with everyday tasks. But, alas, God would have it otherwise.

So now, I am at this “community desk” with all four kids and I am miserable. I was angry, irritable, annoyed, hungry, every negative emotion you could think of. I could not shake it! Absolutely not shake it!

My usually optimistic, joyful self yearned to get to the bottom of this terrible attitude. Toward the end of the day, I finally had time to reflect. I came to the conclusion that I felt completely oppressed. I did not want to be there in my elegant-turned-elementary dining room helping my children complete their at-home assignments. I did not want to correct my child for the 100th time to be nice. I did not want to feel the pressure of making sure each one of them completed the right assignments for that day. I did not want to feel burdened to also do laundry, clean the kitchen, and fix 12+ plates a day.

A month ago, life had been under control. I had it figured out. I cleaned the kitchen after the kids left for school. I exercised before leaving to pickup carpool. I calmly assisted with homework. The kids played outside as I prepared dinner.

I had time for adult phone calls. I had time for business emails. I had a reason to put on makeup. Because I had time for adult things, I had the ability to be fully present with my kids.

Being needed by my children isn’t much different than it was before Covid-19. What makes it different is that my life is different. As much as I thought of myself as an all-in Mommy, it turns out that I have a lot of goals, passions, and interests that are outside of Mommy-hood. Being a Mommy is who I am. I have been turned into a much better person. I am more loving, more patient, more compassionate, more assertive. Being their mother is the biggest purpose and honor I will ever have. But, I am different.

I am ready to conquer some big goals, with my children by my side.

That’s where the frustration comes in. The ugly frustration that turned Tuesday into a horrible, no good, rotten, very bad day. During Covid-19, how could I accomplish this?

I was frustrated because I no longer could compartmentalize my life’s many roles.

Like I tell my kids, “You can complain about something, but you need to come up with a solution that will help.” The solution is to die to myself. During this international crisis, I need to die to myself… for the sake of my children and my own sanity. I do not need to worry or fret that my dreams will slip away while I focus on my kids. Instead, I need to trust that God has whispered in my heart and therefore, He will see to it that His plans are accomplished.

I need to be present with my kids. Every single day.

I also need to give myself grace and take breaks and dance in the kitchen to 90’s music like my mom suggested.

I am with you sister, friend, Mommy. We are in this together!

#parenting #children #moms #positivity #frustration #Motherhood #momlife #kids