Family Changes During Grief. Is there Hope in this Inevitable Stage of Grief?

Is your family dynamic changing due to a death? Sometimes, things change immediately. Sometimes, things don't change for years. Not only is it sad and the wave of grief comes back all over again, but how peculiar it is.

For me, my brother-in-law remarried years after my sister's death. It was more than peculiar. It was beautiful and glorious.

Ever since my sibling's death in 2015, there has been a hole. A dark, devastating hole of loss for her husband and daughter who were left behind to stumble through years of grief. The darkness was felt by my family, her husband’s family, and her friends who lived it out together. Together, each of us did our part to help with infant care, potty training, bittersweet birthday parties, choosing schools, etc.

The week leading up to the wedding was an emotional roller coaster. My spirit was crushed under the weight of my sister’s absence. I tried as hard as I could to ignore it. I focused on the fun of dressing my family up for the party and buying wedding gifts. Eventually, my brokenness was exposed when I hurt a close friend unintentionally. I needed the Lord. I needed to soak in His help and His comfort. I needed to grieve my loss.

Grieve I did. It was so real and authentic that I felt physically empty, completely poured out to my Savior who holds every tear. In the midst of this painful moment, my phone rings and it is the future bride, the one who is “taking my sister’s place”. The voicemail she left was filled with love. I was taken aback and knew it was a wink from God. He was exposing me to the reality that I am not alone in my sisterhood.

This woman has been prepared by God: she is a breath of fresh air, love, kindness, and a lot of fun. She adores her new family and has welcomed the people who love my sister to be a part of their new story and their new journey.

Think about that. Who does that? Who cares deeply enough to want the family and friends of her husband’s late-wife included in her wedding and festivities? A woman with a heart of compassion. A woman after God’s own heart. Someone I now view as my sister.

Like I said, the wedding was glorious. It was a reunion of my sister’s closest friends and her in-laws. People who I have shared this grief journey with. Beautiful souls who join mine as we marvel at God’s hand and His redemption. I so often forget the bond that I share with them. Grief has a way of making you feel completely isolated. It’s a lie. Don’t believe it. There is an invisible cord that connects each one of us, holding us up, hand in hand, as we walk toward eternity and discover hope together.

All of these thoughts were swirling around my mind, filling me with steady joy as I began to pray this afternoon. Still trying to fully process my emotions, I read the first Bible verse on my prayer cards. It was Psalm 18:26.

You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning. My God turns my darkness into light.

Let the tears fall because it is true. This has happened in my midst. The legacy of my sister’s life came full circle at her widower's wedding. God’s word was fulfilled. A widower gained a wife. A child gained a mother. And I gained a sister.

The word of God is tangible. I have seen it with my own eyes. I have felt it with my own heart. God, our God, is faithful. 6 years of grief later, He has filled the void and created a new family that we are blessed to be a part of.

My darkness has been turned into light.

Praying redemption over your story,

Laura

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