Signs and Wonders

I wonder what it is inside of us that makes us want to look at bad things. We all do it. We try not to look at the accident on the side of the road or at the medical trauma on the TV show, but we are curious.

Maybe that’s the cause: curiosity. The unknown. The mystery of how wild something can be.

I received my scores from the Mrs. International Pageant. I did not win the crown, so these scores could be bad. But I had to look.

Each category had five numbers written alongside them. One number from each judge. No feedback, no notes, nothing. You can get your mind spinning trying to figure out what that number really means and how it stacked up to the other ladies’ numbers.

Mostly, I agreed with my scores. I saw why I missed points and where I could have improved. But then. There was this one number. A 13, which was four points lower than my lowest score. In Interview.

Keep in mind, I looked esthetically the same before each judge, I spoke about the same platform (Hope Beyond Grief), I was authentic and true to myself, and I was friendly and warm. So, why did this one person decide to give me such a low score? What was it that could have transpired during our 5-minute conversation that was drastically different from the other judges?

Looking back and critiquing myself, I honestly have no clue what it could have been. So, I am left with the reality that someone just did not like me.

That’s not a fun thought to entertain especially when you are a Nine on the Enneagram and desire peace between yourself and others. As much as I tried to laugh it off, the number 13 kept popping in my head. I would be putting on makeup, washing the dishes, or driving carpool and think, “13!” Immediately my spirit would deflate and I felt hurt. It was haunting me and driving me crazy.

What can you do when something keeps nagging at you? Is something discouraging you relentlessly? If so, that thing has power over you.

But, you are a child of God. The key to overcoming the thorns in your life is to shine a spiritual lens on them.

It is imperative for your mental wellbeing to think strategically about the negative thoughts that weigh you down.

Reflection Questions/Journal Prompt:

1. How can God redeem this negative thought and bring something good out of it?

2. What else could be going on in the lives of the poeple around me?

3. How does this influence or distract from my purpose?

I want to share some of my reflections on this nagging number 13 because you will be enlightened. What if that judge knew I had more to accomplish with my platform? What if he/she knew that my writing aspirations would take a backseat (and maybe never come to fruition) had I won this title? What if that judge could tell that I was new at investing in myself and that half of me was back home with my family? Did they know I needed time to practice the art of pursuing my goals and dreams while also supporting my family’s goals and dreams?

Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t even about me.

Could I dare to believe that God was holding all things together just like the Bible promises?

He leads me along paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Psalm 23:3

I believe God wanted my lowest score to be a 13. Not a 12, not a 14, but a 13. He knew I was not going to walk away with the title of Mrs. International and He knew I would be discouraged. He moved a complete stranger to write the number 13 down to remind me of His deep, everlasting faithfulness and love.

This number was a sign.

The number 13 turns out to be associated with four of the most precious people in my life. My dad, my sister's Heaven Day, my best friend, my children's adopted Grandmother, and the twin daughters of my soul friend. Happenstance? I think not. God holds it all together. He knows us to our core. He knows the years and dates and circumstances where these two digits would be planted in my heart through these special people during different seasons of my life. In His faithfulness, He will open our spiritual eyes to see His touches everywhere.

Open your eyes. His love is everywhere.

Praying you feel washed in God's love,

Laura